You Choose Who You Want to Be

Courtesy Flickr Creative Commons

Athletic. Smart. Geek. Loner. Bully. The Good-looking one. Who are you? I suspect you can name at least two attributes you’ve carried throughout your life. We all are labeled very early on by our family. Once adolescent friendships are created, we consume those newly anointed titles as well, and carry all of them into adulthood. Once we are told who we are, we start believing it as truth. Wouldn’t it be better if you choose who you want to be?

My wife and I are just as guilty for burdening our own daughters with labels. One has repeatedly been told she’s strong and athletic. Not surprisingly, she plays four different sports for her school. Another daughter is always told how smart she is. It’s not a surprise that she expects straight A’s on her report cards.

So, what’s wrong with telling your loved ones they’re smart or athletic? For starters, when they don’t perform as expected [i.e. missing the free throw to lose the game, or getting a B on a report card], they feel like a failure. The expectations can be too heavy. And once the labels are imprinted, they can become difficult to remove.

Labels don’t always come in a positive print. No one wants to be tagged the loser, the geek, or the stupid kid. In our adult lives, you can be viewed as the lazy worker, the cut-throat, or even the cheater. Reputation is all you have. So how do you shed your life-long coat of “truths” for another? Simple. Just decide who you want to be and begin acting as that person would act, and doing things that person would do.

My youngest daughter would come crying to my wife because her older sister called her “stupid,” “fat,” or ugly. My wife always immediately asked her, “Is that your truth?” “No.” “Then I guess you’re not [fill in the blank],” my wife would explain. It calmed her down every time.

These interactions made me realize that if we do not allow a negative label to stick to us, then we decide who we are – not those around us.

You’ve heard the old adage that if you hear something enough times, you start to believe it? The challenge today is to reflect on the labels you’ve been given and worn throughout your life. It’s time to shed the labels that no long serve you. It’s really as simple as telling yourself who you want to be. If you can say it, portray it, and believe it, you will be it.

It may not be easy at first. Changing character takes time and effort. Be committed to the process and tell yourself everyday exactly who you are. Fearless. A leader. A top salesperson. A committed spouse. An amazing parent. Remember, you ultimately decide who you want to be in each moment of your life. Take actions that align with who you choose to be, not those that portray what others have decided for you.

You choose who you want to be. Say it, portray it, believe it, then you will be it.