Likability

handshake Likability is an underrated skill. Likable people typically experience more success. If people like you they will be more apt to help you. The more help you get the further you get in life.

The old adage of being ruthless is not the answer. Every ruthless person I have known has eventually crashed and burned. From the bully in school to the corporate CEO that got there by stepping on others, once you create enemies, any misstep can lead to your demise. Call it karma or just the reality of life. At some point we all need the help of others. If you are ruthless not only won’t people be there when you need them, but they will go out of their way to tear you down. I have found that being merciless never works long term. If enough people dislike you, at some point it will lead to your downfall.

The question becomes what are some subtle ways to become more likable.

1. Take interest in what people have to say. Ask open-ended questions. Listen to the answers and feed them back later in the conversation: “It sounds like your 17 year old daughter, Megan, is quite a soccer player. Has she started looking at colleges?”
2. Go beyond the simple handshake when meeting people. My wife will often take her left hand and touch the top of someone’s hand almost as if she is doing a two-handed handshake. It is a warm gesture that immediately disarms the other person.
3. Make the interaction about the person you are meeting. We all believe we have the best story and we typically wait until the other person finishes so we can share our own similar, “but better,” story. Resist the need to “one-up” the person you meet. Be humble, show interest, and your likability factor will rise exponentially.
4. Never abandon the person you are talking to just because someone “more important” comes along. Very early in my career I met a high profile industry speaker that was very engaging. He took ten minutes to speak directly to me even though there were over 100 more senior people in the room. What was most impressive was that the President of the organization was anxiously waiting over my shoulder to speak to him. Most people would have brushed the junior person aside. He actually remained completely engaged and took the time to complete the conversation.
5. Conclude your conversation in a memorable way. First impressions are important but so are last impressions. The standard line is “nice meeting you.” Everyone uses it and while it’s a nice gesture, it’s over-used and has little impact. Instead try something like “I am so glad I had the opportunity to get to know you today.”

How would you rate yourself on the likability scale? With a few subtle tweaks you can take your interactions to new level. The more likable you are, the more successful you can become.