Intention

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My high school reunion is coming up in November. This week I received details about the date and venue for the event. The group that planned it chose a Best Western hotel in a suburban town in Northern New Jersey. I began to wonder why they hadn’t chosen a more festive venue. At first I thought it was price, but then I found out it was $140 per person. I reached out to a group of friends and asked how they felt about the choice. Not only were they unhappy with the choice, but many were contemplating not going at all. They encouraged me to reach out to the planning group to see if there were other alternatives. The thought was that we have several months until the event, and why not at least consider some other options. Several of us were willing to take care of the legwork. We believed we could find a venue that could add to the experience for a price at or below the cost of the Best Western. Our intention seemed very logical to me. I joined the Facebook group for the event and immediately sent out a message detailing our thoughts.

It went over like a lead balloon. The people involved in the planning were upset. Their friends were upset. Then the angry messages started rolling in: “How could you do this to the people that worked so hard to put the event together? Not all of us have the money to spend.” I was accused of hurting people’s feelings, being a snob, and one woman even called me immature. This experience provided me some interesting life lessons:

Praise publicly, criticize privately. My friend Raleigh (a business colleague for whom I have tremendous respect) taught me this important lesson. This might have been a good time to heed that advice. I made the mistake of addressing this issue in a group forum. I should have reached out to the coordinators directly, rather than broadcasting the idea to the alumni group.

Many people don’t respond well to input. They often view suggestions as criticisms. There is a fine line here. The more sensitive the person, the closer that line becomes.

Resist the urge to react out of anger. I was tempted to fire back sarcastic responses to the criticisms. I decided to delay my reply until my anger subsided. While it would have felt better in the moment to respond to the negativity, the delay provided time for contemplation. In the end, I chose logic over emotion and took the high road. Initial reactions driven through anger seldom lead to favorable outcomes.

Don’t get consumed by the drama. It’s enticing to stay on Facebook and continue to experience the drama. There is no upside here. We all know people that feed on drama. They’re not happy unless they have something to complain about. Those complaints typically involve vilifying others. This provides them with the opportunity to play the victim role. I have chosen to move my focus to other things. I’ll check back with the Facebook reunion group when I have something new to bring.

Be open to the possibilities. No one has a monopoly on great ideas. Flexibility is a key component to driving success. If there is a better way to do something, why not give it consideration? In business, refusing to explore other potential opportunities simply because people have worked hard to drive things a certain way, will ultimately lead to your demise. In my example, a group of people worked on a project. In the opinion of many, there could have been a more desirable outcome to that project. Should the fact that people worked hard prevent them or others from trying to drive a better outcome?

Compromise—Once people are emotionally tied to an idea, the odds of convincing them to move in another direction are low. The attempt alone can drive additional conflict. Once you realize the emotional attachment, see if there is an opportunity for compromise. In my case, I chose to step away from the idea of trying to change anything with the existing event, and simply do a separate affair the evening before. Now it becomes a full weekend experience. We don’t affect the plans that are in place, and we still have an opportunity to choose a more appropriate venue.

The lesson here: Before you comment, criticize, or critique, decide on your intention. It’s easy to get sucked into drama. If instead, you exercise patience, allow yourself to be open to the possibilities, and strive to find a workable solution, then you will become less emotional and act from your intention rather than from anger.