Inner Dialogue

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January 3, 1998—This following represented a typical morning in my life.

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. Despite that my alarm won’t go off for another hour, my heart rate is already increasing. So is my breathing. My mind is racing. I just learned a few days ago that my sales territory has been reduced, but not my sales quota. That’s increased. Less territory. Fewer clients. Higher sales goals. How the hell am I going to maintain my sales numbers?! My biggest in-house rival has two states to cover. Me? I now get three measly counties! I have to be the #1 salesman every year. In this culture, it’s “what have you done for me lately?” Last year’s sales are now meaningless. This guy is totally going to jump me. I can’t compete with these new sales goals in a minimized territory! And to top it off, I have to drive to Miami today, in rush hour nonetheless. That takes me away from selling and forces me to fight hours of traffic. What a waste of my time.

And now I remember that last night, right before I went to bed, I made the mistake of checking my business voice mails. The boss called. No detailed message, just a request to call him in the morning. Great. Now I have to deal with that phone call on the long drive instead of calling clients to generate business. What is he going to tell me? Am I in trouble? The pressure is unbearable.

I really need to get outside and run. No time though. I have to check emails, and confirm the day’s meetings before I head out the door and into traffic. And where’s the nearest coffee shop? I can’t walk in empty-handed to my first meeting at 8am this morning. I know my competitor is famous for bringing the sales staff the best bagels and coffee every time he steps inside that office. Just another thing to remember this morning. I totally forgot to call that bakery and order the pick up in advance. So stupid. I can’t believe I forgot to do that! That will set me back at least 15 minutes.

I can’t be late to that first meeting. I finally got a face-to-face with the biggest prospect in the area. I was promised 10 minutes. I have to be there on time. What will he think of me if I’m late? I’m not sure he’ll give me another chance.

This might sound crazy, but this was my life. That’s how I spent my first five minutes being awake. I let my own inner dialogue create tremendous stress. So many people allow their destructive thoughts to drive their mindset each day.

Thankfully, I have improved dramatically in this area. The ability to direct your mind is the basis for reducing or eliminating the self-induced stress we put ourselves through. In the above example, the old me stressed for hours or days over the loss of territory. Over time I have gotten much better at reframing situations. In this example, a reduction in territory could provide an opportunity to deepen relationships with clients as I could see them more often. The reduction in travel could help improve the relationship with family. The net result could be a better quality of life.

We spoke in an earlier blog about a quick solution to reduce the stress created by your inner dialogue. Get the information out of your mind and onto paper so you’re not forced to remember it all. Trying to keep it in your mind so you won’t forget is stressful in and of itself.

Another strategy is to turn the table by making yourself indispensible. Get so good at your job or business that the thought of losing you would be a major setback for your company or your client. As you experience success you must acknowledge your capabilities. When you do this you start to build confidence. As your confidence builds, the self-doubt falls away and your inner dialogue improves.

Learn to quiet your mind. When you accept that you are not your thoughts, you become the observer of them, it puts you in the driver’s seat. As the unpleasant thought comes in, notice it. If something can be done in that moment to address it, take the necessary action. If not, put it on your task list to tackle when you can. Recognize that certain things are beyond your control and accept what is. Control what you can and let go of everything you can’t.

You can direct your mind. As you exert this control, you can improve your inner dialogue and move your life in a more positive direction. If I can do it, so can you.

Please send your thoughts and suggestions to me at [email protected].