Become a Great Listener

Early in my career there was a man who was very senior in my organization that was beloved by everyone. He made it a point to learn everyone’s name, and even the names of family members. He would ask great open-ended questions and get you engaged. He took real interest in what you had to say and would remember everything you told him. He was masterful at bringing that information back up in later conversations. He had discovered the power of how to become a great listener.

One day I spent an hour sitting next to him on a shuttle on the way to an event. I decided that I had been selfish and moved the conversation away from me, and began to ask him about his life. I quickly realized that he had nothing to offer. He was the proverbial empty suit.

It was clear that the reason people felt the way they did about him had nothing to do with his personality. He had no personality. It was all about his ability to listen and engage with people.

This experience taught me why it was so important to become a great listener. I began to apply this newly found skill to my client interactions and my sales began to skyrocket. I tried active listening on dates and experienced huge success there as well. The cold, harsh reality is that most people don’t care what you have to say. They are waiting for you to finish so they can tell their story. If you simply let them talk, take interest in what they have to say, and use the information they give you later in the discussion, it shows that you were listening and taking interest in their lives. People love you for it.

I’d like to ask you to try an experiment. Next time you meet someone new, try putting your focus exclusively on them. Resist the desire to think about what you want to say next and just focus on listening and engaging with them. Find a way to feed back things they have told you later in the conversation.

The reality is that everyone’s favorite topic is themselves. The more you can resist the need to make it about you and put the attention on them, them more they will like you. This is an incredibly powerful way to win people over. All you have to do is become genuinely interested in people and become a great listener.