The Need to be Right

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A friend of mine was recently sharing a story about his internet service being down for an entire day. His provider was refusing to credit his account for the period he didn’t have service. He ended up on the phone with four different people before he finally reached a supervisor that agreed to his demand. He got a $6 credit, equating to the prorated amount for one day’s worth of service. My friend makes several hundred thousand dollars a year. In the end, he won the battle but lost the war; when you consider the fact that he spent over two hours arguing with his internet provider, coupled with the aggravation of being on hold and dealing with uncooperative service people, you quickly realize the value of his time far exceeded the $6 credit. He will tell you it was the principle of the thing. Years ago I may have agreed. Now I choose to resist the need to be right. That time could have been better spent elsewhere and with less aggravation. Life is short. Accept the loss, it’s not worth your time and energy to fix it.

The need to be right at home–I’m married to a lawyer. Most lawyers I know have a need to be right. My wife is no exception. When we have disagreements I could choose to push my point of view in an effort to be right. In the end I realize that even if I am right, the odds of me convincing her are small. I’ve been married for 16 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I have been successful here. I also realize that if I push too hard I could end up sleeping on the couch. It’s not worth it.

The need to be right in the workplace–Having to be right rarely leads to career advancement. If you have to be right, you know better than others. When you know better than your customers and you stop taking input from colleagues, things are bound to end badly.

Changing people’s beliefs is difficult–Attempts to do it often end in conflict. If you want to be successful in business, you need to understand when to push and when not to. Uncover an area where your customer has an open mind, or at a minimum, doesn’t have strong beliefs. An even better option is to align your solution with the customer’s beliefs. Attempting to drive your point of view against strong opposing beliefs will rarely lead to success, and may end up negatively affecting the relationship. In most cases, it’s not worth it. Choose a different path or come back to fight another day.

The ability to successfully pick your battles in life requires discipline. It means gaining control over your temper, and not allowing your emotions to impede your judgment. Next time you find yourself in a potential conflict, review your best and worst case scenarios. Determine the probability of both outcomes. If the downside outweighs the upside, put your ego in check and move on. Always recognize the cost-benefit of spending your time satisfying your need to be right. Sometimes, being right may make you feel better in the moment, but in the long run, your relationships and your wallet will suffer.